Sunday, June 17, 2007 ♠
♥ 1:40:00 PM
It's been a emotional roller coaster ride for me these past few weeks. Extreme feelings were felt. Sadness, anger, happiness, frustration, loneliness, fear. Don't ask me why i felt all those, i'm searching for an answer for myself as well.
Looking at the ring on my finger as well as the scars on my knuckles, it's an irony. I love you yet i hurt you. I've changed. No longer the girl who couldn't care less. No longer the one who was not afraid of anything. No longer the one who thought that no one was worth dying for. I'm afraid now.
I live for myself no more. I'm living under the shadow of someone. Someone i don't even know very well. Maybe not even very well, i don't even know her. She doesn't know me at all yet I'm being judged. I'm willing to eat humble pie just for you but i need you to be on my side. Am i asking for too much. I'm afraid to loose you. Maybe i shouldn't care, i should just lead my way of life and fullstop. You are great, sometimes too good for me. I can't match up.
I was selfish, too full of myself, too egoistic. Hated to be alone in the past yet now I'm trying to trying to find solitude alone. I'm withdrawing. I can't mingle any more. There's no more topics to talk about. That's the new me.
I want things but i can't seem to get it. Frustrated but I'll push on. I will get it someday.
I love you. I really do. You look great and I'm serious. The scar doesn't make you look any worse. You're sexy. You are.
signing off
